Are you letting every emotional event run your life?

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Have you ever lashed out, got very angry, said things you wanted to retract immediately, gotten intensely upset?

This is completely normal.
But it shouldn’t be the norm.

It is considered normal because it is most common in all of us.

However, behaviour like this is far from normal.

What should we do when we begin to lose control of the situation, our mind and what we are saying?

This is a process of self-awareness and then processing whatever it is you discover.

Self-awareness is being able to answer the question, ‘why am I feeling this way?’

The answer to this question is the root reason for your loss of control.

And being able to answer this question either in the moment or very quickly after the moment when you are in a peak state of emotion will allow you to pinpoint the exact thought which is anchored to that emotion.

Let’s think about two examples,

Example one

You have a savings pot of £20,000 which you have been diligently saving over the last 2 years. A property investment opportunity comes along, the numbers work, location works, there is tenant demand. The majority of your investment boxes are checked. Your partner says, come on let’s do it. But you get scared and fall silent. You think over this investment for the next 5 days, getting even more annoyed. 5 days go by a someone else has now purchased the investment.

Example two

Your wife has been a bit off with you the last couple of months. Generally fine but not completely herself. One day you tell her you are heading out to the pub to watch the football with your friends. And she flips, she starts shouting at you for going out for the second week on the trot. You get annoyed but head out anyway. What you are not aware off is, her emotional explosion had nothing to do with you going out, but something you did two months ago.

These examples are two extremes of the spectrum, which does make it complicated, this peak state of emotion sits on a spectrum of:

How strongly a thought is anchored to extreme emotion.

The anchoring of this thought is strengthened through time and significance of the event.

Example one is strongly anchored
Example two is mildly anchored

How so?

And please understand that these are made up examples, but the concept can be applied to any thoughts which you need to process.

Example one is about behaviour around money. The guy cannot make an investment decision quickly even though he has all the relevant information. Why? Because in this scenario he cannot be parted with his savings pot. What is important here is, the feeling that overcomes him when he thinks about spending that savings pot. He gets scared.

This is where the self-awareness is required. When he is at his peak state of fear (scared) what is he thinking? Why is he thinking that? Is that truly him thinking it? Where has that thought come from?

Only he will have the answer, but we are human, and we are all in this together, so there can only be so many scenarios which the root of his fear could stem from:

Parents told him to always save never spend
Money does not grow on trees
He saw his parents struggle for money
He saw his parents lose their savings in the past which later meant family hardship
He has lost his savings in the past
He lost money on a bad investment in the past

(Any of these seem familiar to you?) The next step is for him to identify what it is for him. Let’s say for the sake of this example that his parents lost their savings in the past and then went into hard times.

He really should explore this rationally. Observe himself and process this situation. The reason he is scared to invest his money is because of something which happened to his parents many years ago. That means his frame of reference for money is how his parents managed it many years ago.

So how does he overcome this?

If he processes this rationally, decodes it and understands why he feels fear every time he has to think about spending his savings. He will then be free of this negative anchor.
This will allow him to make decisions in the now. Instead of based on past events which were out of his control.

It really should have been handled when he was a child, at that moment. By his parents, through open and honest communication. However, they would have be going through their own significant event to have realised the damage it was doing.

This is an example of a strong anchor because it happened so long ago, the root is hidden away in years of life.

Let’s look at example two.

This sits on the opposite side of the spectrum to example one.

When you speak to your wife the next day you ask her to be open and honest and tell you why she shouted at you. She explains that 2 months ago at a party you went to with your friends, you went to the bar and bought your friends a round of drinks and didn’t think to get her one. (easily done guys). It angered her at the time but thought she had gotten over it.

This is an example of something small blowing out of proportion. But why did she then shout at you 2 months later?

Again a fictional example, but it could have been the very fact you was seeing your friends and drink was involved.

The thought attached to the night at the party is anchored to the feeling of anger.

Can you see that every time going forward, whenever you see your friends and drinks are involved, she would be angry?

This is an example of something recent, something small which potentially could become massive over time. To a point where the original reason becomes foggy.

In this instance, your wife would need to process this feeling and thought. Why am I getting angry right now? Oh dear, it’s linked to that night at the party. Let’s just openly talk about this so I can detach this thought from that feeling.

Seems simple right?

Just work out the thought which is anchored to a peak state of feeling/emotion. Then process it.

Sometimes you may hear these scenarios referred to as limiting beliefs, blocks, significant emotional events.

Depending on where they sit on the spectrum, they become harder to deal with.

But the two things that help process these situations are:

Self-awareness
Open communication with yourself and others around you

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Why did I enrol on to a 10-day silent retreat?

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In my official capacity, being a husband, multiple business owner and a user of social media.

And in my unofficial capacity of being a reader, writer and sharing short video messages.

I bear a lot of responsibility. Yes, for others around me, but first and foremost for myself.

Namely in processing the day to day and making decisions. The challenge I face is, with these many inputs coming in on a daily basis from:

  • Wife <3
  • Family
  • Friends
  • Business A
  • Business B
  • Business C
  • Future business
  • Being coached
  • Being Mentored
  • Reading
  • Absorbing information from Social Media

How on earth do I know if my thoughts and decisions are truly my own? Or based on my own limiting beliefs and/or human bias (that we all face).

So how does one take a step closer to understanding their own mind?

It is two part – 1. Remove the inputs (silence) and 2. Ensure the meditative practice excludes religious bias, spiritual bias, chanting, anchoring, speaking, comparing (Vipassana – by the way is the meditative practice I am enrolled on to).

(as a bonus, simplifying clothing and food so that for 10 days, these daily choices do not create a distraction).

Therefore, I am left with just myself and my own mind.

I rarely do things of a whim, because it sounds fun, or it’s the latest fad. I dive into a period of research and then make a decision quickly. Either it’s a yes or no.

This was one of those decisions that I spent longer on the ‘don’t do it side’ (You wouldn’t believe the excuses that my mind conjured up towards avoidance). Not only because I will be off the grid for 10 days but because I will be off the grid for 10 days, by myself.

(Keep an eye out for a future post on my experience – no guarantee I will share as this will depend on the intimacy of the outcome).

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What happens when you go the extra mile?

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Typically, I would use a business example here. But there are so many out there who just kept going and unintentionally became household names.

  • JK Rowling
  • Oprah
  • Jeff Bezoz
  • Jack Ma
  • Elon Musk

But what does that look like in someone’s everyday life? I and my wife joked on holiday recently. That every time we applied that principle on holiday, we found something magical.

Driving just 15 minutes (literally extra miles) beyond the tourist beaches of Croatia (which were very busy) we always found the most isolated beaches with very few people on them.

Follow my Instagram at www.instagram.com/toortalks to check out some of those beaches and keep an eye out for a future travel blog from Croatia.

The message of today’s blog is, the extra mile isn’t something special only the richest and most famous people experience. It occurs in everyday life.

  • Venturing beyond everyone else to find a new beach
  • Walking an extended route, when most people turn left to loop back around, you keep walking straight
  • Sending the extra email
  • Reading those extra few pages
  • Or in my case, this very moment – writing an additional post

What are you doing tomorrow? What can you do to go that extra mile?

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When spoke on stage for the first time

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I am truly grateful to have shared Dr Rohan’s stage at his rare live trainings. Rare because he rarely runs them.

The best way to summarise the man’s skill, is to describe what the audience experiences. A 12-hour training day with Dr Ro feels like it is over in a flash. You never once look up at the clock. On the rare occasion you do, the first thing you think is ‘where on earth did the last 3 hours go’.

The reason 100’s of students attended his training, is to learn how exactly he creates that experience for the audience.

I had the honour of featuring as a guest speaker at his FOUR-day event.

My first ever 45-minute slot.

With the tools he taught me, if was enjoyable, thought through and purposeful.

If you ever get the chance to listen or learn from Dr Ro. Grab it with both hands.

He is a private person interacting only with a select group of people. So the best way to hear about what he has planned next is through www.drro.tv.

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What is digital marketing?

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Recently in preparation for a talk I had to revisit this core question. Being involved in the day to day running of a Digital Marketing agency and consultancy I take for granted the useful definitions which define the work we do.

The best place to start is by splitting the word Digital Marketing into two components. Digital & Marketing.

The first component we will look at is marketing. Why? Because it is the foundation component for which everything else is built on. Marketing is best defined by the Seth Godin:

‘Marketing makes change happen by promising someone if you spend your time or money with me, your life will change.’

Therefore, it is important we understand marketing is a philosophy first before a how to. Seth Godin then goes on to discuss three questions to ask, when putting together a marketing plan:

What change do you want to make?

Who do you want to make this change for?

What promise are you making?

The more niche and specific you can answer these questions, the greater your marketing will be. Many business owners will skip this part and retrospectively work out why things are not quite as expected, not enough sales, wrong customers, customer complaints, undelivered promises.

Ultimately if you are asking for someone’s time and money, the change better be guaranteed.

Marketing is therefore a philosophy in order for you to define the change you want to make happen.

That brings us on to component 2. Digital. These are the tools and ecosystem for where you present your potential customers with the promise. It may also be the same place where you make the change happen.

Typical tools used to successfully present your prospects with your promise are websites, podcasts, landing pages, email marketing, lead magnets, pay per click, online advertising, e-commerce sites.

If you are business owner, solo entrepreneur, self-employed, freelancer or employee, understanding the 2 components which make up digital marketing will allow you to elevate the type of conversation you have with a client, service provider, digital marketer. Including hiring accordingly. Often component 1, marketing must come from within the company or through specialist consultants. Component 2, digital can be outsourced to an agency.

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What do you do when there are no negative consequences?

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Having become financially independent through great guidance and sheer will power.

I woke up asking myself,

Are there negative consequences for no longer showing up?

Stagnation was the answer, which frightened me into action.

Just the thought of deterioration through stagnation makes me shudder.

What scary consequences keep you going?

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Are we living in the worst time in history?

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The challenge we face now is, there is an appearance that the world is in a worse of place. Often it appears as if:

  • Nature is being destroyed
  • The planet is being destroyed
  • Economies failing
  • Democracies breaking down
  • Technology making humans irrelevant
  • Terrorism

Yet in actual fact it is the best time to be alive. Ever.

In the book Enlightenment Now, one of the discussion points the author highlights is the idea that, the news reports on events that occur in the immediate.

That means the event is noteworthy. The incident is normally isolated and appears to define everything around us, as it is placed in direct contrast to day to day life, we are living in.

In simple terms. Bad news is easy to report, its fast and there is something always happening.

Whereas good news takes years, decades and even entire generations to come to fruition.

  • Clean running water
  • Global connectivity
  • Convenience
  • Transport
  • Medicine
  • Automation
  • Electric Vehicles
  • The simple fact that there are no global wars, where young men and women get shipped off to protect a nation

The things we now take for granted are the result of years and years of incremental progress. Which doesn’t make for much of a news article. Especially because many of the good being done in the world is scientific.

I guess the message is, sure, read the news. But put it into context.

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Why do we feel lonely?

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There is much talk of the internet creating a physical human disconnect amongst young (and even the older generation).

The introduction of an online world, social media and even video games are so real that it requires no physical human interaction.

Without a doubt every human being needs connectivity to achieve a higher level of human fulfilment.

But the first step to curing loneliness is not to go seek out other people. But actually, to seek out yourself.

Wayne Dyer explains: ‘You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.’

People who generally have to spend prolonged periods alone:

Writers, artists, scientists, parents of new born children.

I also believe freelancers; new age business owners and entrepreneurs also now fall into this category.

Why do these people appear to be able to manage being alone for such long periods of time?

It is most certainly they like the person they are alone with.

Did they always like the person they were alone with? Unlikely.

Did they work towards liking the person they were alone with? Likely.

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Will Brexit destroy the UK property market?

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It is appropriate to start with realising the fact that, this is not the first financial storm and uncertainty hitting the world, Europe or the UK. Let’s take a brief look at large financial crises which have occurred over the last 40 years:

  • LatAm sovereign debt crisis – 1982. …
  • Savings and loans crisis – 1980s. …
  • Stock market crash – 1987. …
  • Junk bond crash – 1989. …
  • Tequila crisis – 1994. …
  • Asia crisis – 1997 to 1998. …
  • Dotcom bubble – 1999 to 2000. …
  • Global financial crisis – 2007 to 2008.

And now Brexit ‘something’ (we will not know what title this event will be given) – 2006 – present day.

Unfortunately, a financial crisis does tend to repeat themselves. I this case Brexit is a political crisis; however, it is the financial outcome that matters to everyone. Will there be jobs? Will there be salary increases? Will we keep up with inflation? Will we have to pay to enter Europe?

Will my property lose its value?

This is a great Segway into discussing property specifically. I am no economist therefore wouldn’t dare spend my next 20 years decoding the political storm called Brexit. I wouldn’t dare suggest some large hedge funds were aware of the introduction of Brexit because of Mr or Mrs X politician, which allowed them to short the entire situation and make a secret fortune.

One thing is for certain, out of every financial crisis comes increases regulation to stop this ever from happening again. Some things do spiral out of control eg. the European sovereign debt crisis (not listed above, because will it every go away?), but if the leaders of the world cannot deal with it. The common folk should really focus on having a great life, for this great life is too short to worry about a never-ending financial hole a government has created.

I got side tracked, back to property. Now any property investor who buys based an appreciation of an asset must also understand they are speculating. Yes, we know property values do increase over the long term. But we are not in control of this, the economy is.

In the same breath, an investor developing a property must ensure they have two exits. What do I mean by this? Exit 1 – complete the development and sell to first time buyers, investors or foreign investors, for expected market price. Exit 2 – If there is a market downturn, the investor is able to refinance each apartment, flat, or house. Which allows them to pull out much of their borrowed money and return it to the private lender.

If there is only Exit 1, then the developer has increased his risk.

Because we can all agree Brexit is too complicated for any one individual to have an actual understanding of the entire spiderweb of information. And if we did, we wouldn’t know about the discussions which happen behind closed doors (and staying quiet to make a small fortune). We wouldn’t know who is incentivised to make what decision.

For example, if you have an EU based pension pot in excess of £500,000. You would want to remain.

But regardless off all the technical details or who is incentivised to do what. Brexit creates one thing. Uncertainty. Which creates fear. Which creates strange behaviour in humans.

Fear means, property prices become fragile.

Fear to an intelligent investor, is like hitting the jackpot.

When Amazon launch their black Friday sale. Everyone rushes online to get their 50% discounts before the stock runs out.

Then why do people not rush into the housing market when there is a massive sale on?

Like I said, strange behaviours begin to surface.

So how do we ensure we are Brexit proof when buying UK property?

We simply follow a set of rules, and if the property does not fall into the rules, we don’t buy it.

Rule 1 – Buy at a discount. This means we at minimum have a 25% equity buffer. If the market drops by 25%, we are still not in negative equity. Yes we may have to wait a while for the market to recover, but we bought at discount in the first instance.

Rule 2 – We buy for demand. This means at worst case scenario can this property be rented in a flash. If the answer is no, we walk away.

Rule 3 – Have a minimum of 2 exits. A sale or rent. The property has to work on both levels. If we cannot sell it, it doesn’t matter because it can rent and still produce a positive income.

Rule 4 – Buy for positive cashflow only. If the property at a 7% interest rate stress test does not still produce a positive net income, then we do not buy it. It must still produce an income if interest rates rise to 7%.

Rule 5 – Take a % of the cash income from the portfolio and begin to reduce mortgages over time. To increase the equity buffer for future market changes.

Rule 6 – Purchase quality assets at low price, not poor assets at a low price. A quality asset will stand the test of time. Quality can be measured in various ways, location, amenities, transport, tenant profile, area demographics, affluence and many more.

Rule 7 – Where possible try to get guarantee rent contracts with councils or charities. This is a niche strategy where the property is taken on a lease for 5 years+.

If we follow these rules and think about what the greatest investor of our era has to say on the subject of fear:

“Be Fearful when others are greedy and greedy when others are fearful.”

We have hedged ourselves and thought about the buying process. Reducing speculation as much as possible. So, if we take Brexit for example, others are currently fearful with the uncertainty, this is when we are greedy with buying. Once Brexit is resolved and everyone is buoyant again, this is when we take a step back and re-evaluate our buying.

In closing, by refocussing on the main question, will property lose its value? It becomes irrelevant if you are buying for positive cash flow. The property can go up, down or sideways in value. If it generates an income at the end of every month, it is an asset. This allows investors to be paid their return through the income and long-term value increase.

P.S For people reading this wanting to enter the property market and want to understand how we buy using all of those rules, what strategies we are using in today’s market or want to work with us, head over to https://toortalks.blog/get-involved-in-uk-property/.

This article is to be thought-provoking and never to be used as financial advice. Seek the advice of a regulated financial adviser.

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Welcome

Welcome to my blog. It only took me 30 years to start one. I felt as if I had nothing to say prior to being 30. Which was sad, because everyone has a voice, and everyone should share their message.

The last decade has been one of discovery where I learnt that one single positive message at exactly the right time can change the course of someone’s life – for the better.

I believe we are all on this planet to improve the lives of those around us.

The way I can do this is through the medium of writing, video and audio.

Subscribe to my letters which will pop into your inbox. The letters will be a range of:

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Very rarely, I will present free stuff or an offer.

I look forward to having a positive place in your life.

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